Christmas

What is Christmas?

For me, it’s a time to distill life down to its main parts.

What’s important,

And drop the rest.

Reviewing my life’s objective.

Connecting with people I care about,

And showing that I care.

Lights, glow, warmth

Music, coziness, tasty food.

Enjoying life,

No expectations or “need to’s” or “have to’s” or “shoulds”

Just…

Complete Peace.

Sloshing Around

I’m tired of this world.

Consume, consume, consume…

And yet I feel empty.

TV, junk food, real food, videos, games, stories, buy stuff, music, fix stuff, maintain stuff.

And then there’s work and sleep.

Whoopie.

My soul and my heart are left behind. 

Where is my purpose?  My raison d’être? 

I need to feel pride in what I do.

I need to be loved and accepted for who I am.

I need to be part of a group.  One that’s got my back.  One I can rely on.

Sure, I have my family and friends…

But that support net is way too small for this big ol’ world.

It’s like a parsley leaf clinging to a potato in a vat of boiling stew. 

It has to spend most of its time alone, being sloshed about mercilessly for all of its working hours, commuting, shopping and whatever else we do out in this wild wide world. 

But at least we get to come back and cling to that little potato for a couple of hours a week with a friend (if we’re lucky), or for a couple of hours in the evening with family before it’s that time again and we have to go to bed or else we won’t function the next day. Booooooring!

The next morning, the alarm jars us awake so we can get ready for another ride around the pot –

with complete strangers who don’t care about us,

with co-workers we don’t get to choose and are forced to work with,

with bosses we have to please so we get paid (and don’t lose our job),

with the corporation who wants to suck as much productivity and energy out of us for as little reward and effort on their part as possible. And God forbid you complain about anything or ask it to bend a little to meet your needs!

The corporation which is as rigid and frigid as a block of ice because it is not a person, it’s a system. How can we let an inanimate thing rule our lives? Does it understand how humans function? Does it understand our physical, mental, emotional and spiritual needs? Does it understand anything at all since it is a soul-less construction, a system, a concept that we created. A machine. Lifeless and only running because we turned it on at some point?

Wouldn’t it be nice to live in a bowl of stew, where all the veggies and meat are friends and we get to choose our neighbours. Where we work with people we like. Where we’re part of a community of like-minded people who share the daily workload so it’s less draining and onerous, and maybe even fun sometimes? Where we got each other’s back. Maybe we spend less hours working and more of them living: playing, exploring, reading, socializing, hiking and all the activities that make us want to get up in the morning?

I’d like that.

Stone Cold

I am a stone cold specter at the job place.

My soul is at home, my mind barely there.

but I guess it’s okay to sell your life for money?

how else would we eat, have shelter, have a car?

Yes, I think it is worth slaving away most of my waking hours so that I can keep being alive.  Oh, and I guess have a bit of fun on the weekend…well, after chores, and recovering from a long hard week.  Ya, I guess half a day to enjoy life makes up for 6.5 I don’t…

 

Why are we Alive?

Why are we alive?

Well, circumstances brought our parents together and they had sex and you were conceived.

I know that!

O…kay?….

I mean WHY are we alive?  What’s our purpose?

Hm… I think we create it.

Huh?

Well, you’re born in a particular culture with their beliefs and you grow up in that.  Maybe you take on their beliefs or make up your own.  You find your place and your purpose, maybe partly imposed on you or you determine your own. 

Hm…I guess. 

Isn’t that enough?

No, I want to feel special in the eyes of God, for eternity…

Why?

So I can live forever

Why do you want to do that?

I just can’t imagine that I just die and that’s it.

Oh.

It’s just too hard.

Why?

Hm…Well, I put so much energy into my life, in growing and becoming a better person, in finding myself, in learning to love myself, in sharing my happiness with others, in helping others, in being a friend, in loving my spouse and working through relationship issues, in building a home, in working hard at jobs I don’t like, pouring hours of my existence, my energy and my time into serving someone else’s fortune, feeling anxious about leaving home for the first time, feeling resentful towards parents who didn’t do a good job, feeling adrift and empty, crumbling into pieces then slowly building myself back up from a few good stones, feeling free from unhealthy emotional ties,  being loved, learning to embrace my sexuality, reaching a point where I’m mentally free to be happy and excited about life, eating, breathing, staring for hours at the TV, sleeping, washing, cutting my hair, my nails,

Okay, okay, I get it.  (Pause)  But just think how many people you touch throughout your life.

So?

You influence everyone else by your actions and words and way of life, and make a ripple effect.  You’re not no one.  You make a difference by who you are.

I guess…but after I die?

You will be in people’s memories and will have affected who they are, their actions and their ways of life, which will pass down the generations even after people no longer remember you.  Your legacy will go on.

Hmm…(pause)  It just seems so small.  Don’t I get a large celebration and reward in the afterlife?  An honored seat at God’s table?  A song written for me?  Eternal peace and happiness?  

I don’t know.